why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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