you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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