Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
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No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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