YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
