is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
