'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
