Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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