Pregnant stripper...not hot.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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