I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
