I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
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