$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
