I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
