My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
