I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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