K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
