I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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