i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
