my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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