In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
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I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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