im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
