I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dicks are not precious.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
