dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
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The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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