I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
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Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
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I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent