physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.