i already hear my dad disowning me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens