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Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
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