you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
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At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
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Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.