I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower