y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!