are you still at the devil's house?
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed