Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
