CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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