I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
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Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
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These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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