I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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