I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
