Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
