She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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