Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
