you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
These tits shall not be calmed
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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