I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
