I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
