party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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