Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
