i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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