I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
