Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
