we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize