Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
