wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
