girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize