I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
