the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm passing your future prison.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
