Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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