The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She said her name was "party"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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