Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
