I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
