I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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