whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
