That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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