we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
