i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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