last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize
