Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
