HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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