i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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