I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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